Dutch had his first real cold this weekend. I am definately impressed that it didnt happen until he was one. It is still there a bit but so much better. He is now in good spirits thanks to baby vicks, his new humidifier, some kids tylenol, some hylands homeopathic drops, apple juice, water and cheerios. Dont judge.
I am a good mom. I am learning as I go and I realize after you become a mom, the person you were before is magnified. I think that is why I got PPD because I probably was a bit depressed before Dutch was born without realizing it. I have always been extremely sensitive and emotional. Can you imagine how that is mama magnified? BIG TIME.
It is so hard to watch your kids get sick. Especially for the first time when you feel unfarmilar and extremely cautious. I do panic and I do overreact. I did that with this cold.
I was so worried that Chad and I were not paying close enough attention. I called Chads work and actually said we need to take him to urgent care stat. Why? Because he was sick! Obviously!
Before my pregnancy I was definately an emotional eater. I have conquered that issue from my life, thank GOD. Its so annoying! I was very aware of myself this weekend and as soon as I started to feel exhausted from taking care of Dutch in sick mode, I just wanted to eat and eat. I didnt. But I did realize it was there. I just wanted some relief. Some nice hot fudge sundae that makes me feel sweet and nice and takes me to another place of peace where everyone is healthy for two minutes. Luckily I dont keep this sort of food in the house and there is no way any of the foods in our house could give me the same relief. Also luckily we dont have the money for me to go to the store and buy any extra treats.
It is so hard to see your baby suffer, even if you know it is just the common cold. He is usually so happy and fun all of the day. He was sad, scared, irritated, did not sleep well (made me appreciate his amazing sleeping skills)and all I could do was love him and comfort him. I tell myself he is fine but I still dont always trust my judgement 100%. I know part of my mom journey is to trust myself. I do think I am intuitive and make good decisions when I dont panic. Alas, I called Chad's work and he came home an hour early just because I needed him. I was the mom on the phone that said, " this is an emergency!" Chad is so calm and logical. I am so dramatic and obsessive. This is the way I am and I am still a good person. I still love myself and know I am a good mom. So I obsess....okay. Not always a bad thing.
Dutch is such a healthy little boy, of corse when he is sick, I realize how much I appreciate everyone's health. I realize that when I am "bored" during some of my time with Dutch ( I am sorry, its only once in awhile I swear), I could be apprecaiting our health and peace.
Life and motherhood is alot of ups and downs for me. Its hard to know what other mom's lives are like. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that is scared at times or that feels like I dont know what the hell I am doing. I am learning that is okay. Even if every other mom in America is Mother of the Year, it is still okay for me to be my obsessive, overly cautious, emotional, paranoid, incredibly loving self.
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