Do I want another one?

If you would have asked me this a month ago, the answer would have been HELL NO. No offense to Dutch or any other babies out there but the first year has been a pretty intense exploration of who I am. Becoming a mom has been an amazing, overwhelming and exhausting adventure. I guess the more I think about life and what I want from it, the more I realize that includes more kids. I asked myself a few questions.....
What is the most important thing in my life? My family, mainly Dutch (sorry chad, you are a close second, just being honest)
Who has been the greatest teacher? Dutch
Am I a good mother? HEC YES!
Do I want to see Dutch have a sibling? after he is potty trained, YES!

I think the reason I want another one is because it will prove to myself how much I have grown (besides the obvious reasons of having more kids, like love and all that). PPD doesnt have to own me for the rest of my life. It is something that has taught me about letting go and coming into myself. I feel that if I have another, I will be able to embrace that experience. Will it be a tough adjustment? I am not sure. It might be scary and difficult and life altering. But I really do think it is all worth it in the end. Kids are so amazing and so much fun.
If and when we have another, it will be a whole new experience. I know every baby is different and naturally this would be a whole different unique person.

People always talk about the amnesia moms get about how painful delivery is and all that. I know giving birth was not a walk in the park but I do know my fear of it was so much greater than the actual act itself. I was terrified! I remember crying because I didnt want to push. My mother in law said, "Get over it and do this for your baby!" That was the start of the rest of my life. I think moms have a motto, which is, "Get over it and do this for your baby." That is what makes kids so special. :) Giving birth was the most amazing, powerful, AWESOME experience of my life. I realized how strong I was, how brave I was and that I could push (literally) through fear. My entire family came together (they all watched Dutch pop out, not planned) for Dutch's birth. I have such incredible support in my life and I need to remember to appreciate that every day.

On a scale of most difficult I would rate it as follows
Being a mom-CRAZY HARD!
Breastfeeding-ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I LASTED TWO WEEKS.........
Giving birth- whatever
Being prego- walk in the park compared to being a mom

If you ask me, I loved being pregnant. If you ask anyone I worked with, my family, I was a fantastic pregnant lady. If you asked my husband, he would say "SHE WAS A NIGHTMARE!" Unfortunately Chad always got the worst of it, probably because he is the one person in this world who I show my nitty gritty to. There were times I loved being pregnant and times (like the last 30 days) that I struggled.

I am excited to see what the next experience is like. Props to all moms who have a second baby before the first one is potty trained. I plan to wait until Dutch is old enough to "help" mommy. I want to be able to say, "Dutch, mommy is tired. Can you go do the dishes and walk Vader? Oh ya, whip me up a latte while you are at it." Okay-maybe not that long but kids can do that at four, cant they?

wait, did I just say I am having a girl? man, I need to slow down.