Letting Go of FEAR

Dutch is 11 months now and time has flown by! I realize more and more each day that I need to enjoy him at this stage, no matter how tough it may seem. Pretty soon he will be all grown up and I will want my baby back! He has started sleeping in until 8:30AM! He goes to bed around 7 or 7:30pm and sleeps for 13 hours! I have an amazing kid, right?! Well, I get up and do my workout at 5am then get ready for work. I leave the house around 7:40am. With his new sleep in time, I dont get to see him before I go to work. This really doesnt have to be a big deal but I find that when I get home from work I feel so excited to see him! I just want to play and play and play and not put him to bed. My yoga class that I really wanted to go to was at 7:45pm last night. I had a late meeting at work so I didnt get home until 5:30pm. That only gave me two hours! I felt the guilt creep in. Chad-the hubs- who is a fantastic dad, wanted me to put him to bed before I left for class. I had such an internal battle whether or not I should skip yoga. In my ideal world, Chad would stay up and play with Dutch because I would have felt better about it. Why dont husands have some remote control so you can make them do what you want!?

My brain said Casey-how can you put him to bed early so you can go to YOGA! HOW SELFISH
Then my brain said Casey-OM!!!!!!!!!!! cant you feel the relaxation and rejuvination waiting for you!?

I realize when I start to get the unnecesary guilt, I start to doubt my instincts. I worried that he was not tired at 7:20pm and I was putting him to bed so I could selfishly go to yoga. I am still not sure if that is actually what happened, it might have been!

All I know is, Dutch was safe and sound screaming in his bed when I left for class. He was not hurt, he was not sufferring (maybe throwing a little tantrum) and I was really glad I made the choice to go to class. It was ONE DAY out of seven that I was home late and only got two hours of Dutch time. We all survived.

I am pretty confident this will happen again but next time I am hoping it can be a little different. I have been working on a technique I learned in my old weight watcher days which is reframing. What would I have done differently next time? I would have let go of the guilt and worry because I had made my choice. I went to class, I put Dutch to bed. I realize the worry and the wondering if he was not tired did not help me at all. It made me feel not good, actually.

I am continueing to learn to let go and have fun and Dutch is my best teacher. I cant wait to see him tonight!