I was neurotic mom this weekend. We went to Chad's work party which was a summer bbq type party. Outside, on the water (no fence), boats, hazards, not baby proof, danger. I was a crazy person chasing my son. I could actually feel Chad's co workers thinking I was psycho, in a nice way of corse. The party was SO FUN, I was actually have fun myself but at the same time I could feel how crazy I was. I was chasing Dutch around EVERY WHERE, picking him up so he would not jump into the water, only to have him squirm to get down. He was having the time of his life, digging in the dirt, almost falling and hitting his head on the huge rock where he was digging. Me-freak out mode. I went right for that white wine and Chad kept asking me if I was okay and he had that look of, "are you losing your shit?!" on his face. Funny thing is, I was enjoying myself. I was watching so many firsts for Dutch. His first boat ride in which he had a blast! Its so cool to watch him conquer his own fears. Loud motor-he was not sure about that, second time we went super fast and got the loud motor, he was cracking up!
By the end of the day we were all exhausted but it really was such an awesomely fun party. I started to realize I am creating the moments you only see in pictures. I have so many pictures of my own mom and I dont remember that love or what that moment felt like with her. I am living them now. I am that mom in the photo full of love for her child. Just knowing that is allowing me to realize and feel how much she loved me and my brother. Just like that. So although I was neurotic mom and the day went by so fast, I am confident yesterday was one of the best days of my life. I really want to make everyday one of those, even if part of that day I am chasing Dutch, throwing around a few F bombs under my breath as he tries to run away during diaper change, or when I just feel like I am losing my cool- THAT day, can still be one of the best if I just allow it to be. Thanks again, Dutch, for allowing me to feel the love of a mother. Amazing.
This is the first time I have read your blog. Don't worry, I am NEUROTIC mom EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE (big shocker coming from worry wart McKenna over here). I have 2 kids now so its double worry. Remember the days at Pi Phi's when I would cry over a math test? Those days seem so easy now. Being a mother is the most AMAZING thing in this world, and also the most stressful. I guess that is what happens when you love something/someone more than you love yourself. Thanks for sharing your blog. I will start following you. I have a blog as well... arharvie.blogspot.com... check me out sista!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the weekend!!!