Yoga is one of my absolute favorite things in this world. I started practicing about four years ago and have really relied on it to help keep me balanced, grounded and healthy. I understand the importance of meditation but am someone who struggles with being still and quiet for any amount of time. The yoga room is one of the few places that I allow myself to clear my mind and let go of anything that I have been holding onto and just be with myself. I am a very sensitive person and I often feel not only my own emotions but the emotions of others. I know when I have been to a powerful class because I actually tear up durng the class-or afterwards when I am in dead pose.
I went to a free class at Shakti of Redmond last night. I LOVE Shakti and have been to their Bellevue Studio in the past. They are opening a studio in Redmond (so stoked!) and before the grand opening they had some free classes for any yogis or non-yogi's who decided to show up.

So far my yoga journey has taught me a few things:

Have fun

Dont take anything too seriously

Focus on yourself and not others (whether they are farting, grunting, complaining, breathing loudly, not loudly enough, messing with the clothes, fidgeting.......what have you)

Appreciate your body and believe it is capable of things you never imagined

Look fear in the face and go for it

Patience

Relaxation

I have been drawn to hot yoga the past four years and that has been my main form of practice. It has been great for me because throughout my life so far, I have been someone who has a tendency to be incredibly competitive and hard on myself. Hot yoga CAN(not always) enable that behavior to a certain extent unless you choose not to let it. Sometimes I love going in there for the cleansing effect. If I have to crawl out of the room, it was a great class.

As I get older (and wiser of corse) I am finding that I like the more fun, playful and meditative types of yoga. I took a year and a half off when I became pregnant. That break allowed me to realize that I dont have to be so incredibly disciplined all the time. Before my prego break I was the girl going for the 60 day challenge (hot yoga every day for 60 days). It is totally exhausting, time consuming and I personally think it can get the EGO involved.

When I decided to go back to yoga after I had my son I knew I wanted to approach it differently. I wanted to practice yoga to feel good, to let go of negativity and to be kind to my body. I no longer HAD to be in the front row pushing myself to do things that made me look like I knew what I was doing.
I try to move to different spots in the room so that I dont get attached to one certain area. If I want to take a break, I do so and dont feel guilty.
I try poses because I have confidence in myself, not because-- if that buff lady in the front is doing it, I better do it too.
I now practice about once or twice a week because I balance it with Chalene Extreme. I used to be so worried that if I only went once or twice that all the other yogi's would think I was not serious. I can guarantee they are not thinking about me and if they are, it doesnt matter!
When I enter the yoga room I know that I am in there for me. I will practice to feel good about myself. I still push myself but it is definatey in a different way.
This week I was incredibly proud of myself because I actually took one of the non heated classes at my studio. I had always wanted to try it but I kept finding reasons to stick with what I knew I loved, which is the hot classes. I am so glad I tried something new because it was one of the best classes I have had at that studio. I loved the ability to feel what my body was doing. I loved having energy becaues the heat was not making my heart race. I reached a deep level of meditation and when the class was over I felt so good. I would have never known how good this class could allow me to feel if I did not decide to try something new.
I thought of so many other things in my life that I need to just GO AFTER! I have always wanted to teach yoga but have not had the balls (sure, why not say BALLS in a yoga blog) to go for it. I thought about why that is and I think its because I want it so bad, the thought of actually doing it and having it not work out is sad. I realize that is not how it works. It could be fantastic but I will never know unless I just go for it. If its not fantastic, then that is okay. I no longer need to wonder WHAT IF..........so thank you yoga. I think life is just as simple as a yoga class, its the mind that decides to make things complicated.
What do you want to go after?

Dutch's First Christmas

Dutch turned 11 months on Dec 26. Such a great age for his first Christmas. I was a little worried because Dutch is on his schedule. In bed by 7pm every night. He has regular naps, etc. Dutch partied on Christmas Eve from 5:30pm until 10pm! He must take after his mother! I was so proud of him. Dutch can be a serious little guy. When he meets new people he gives them a stare down and pretty much stares through their soul for a few mins before he decides he likes a person. He LOVED the Christmas party and instantly felt comfortable with everyone. He was having a great time eating, unwrapping way too many presents, eating more, and climbing all over the tipsy adults. It was one of those times that makes your mom nerves tingle with joy.
As for the holiday eats I felt absolutely great. In my opinion the holidays are not about dieting. That would be like setting yourself up for failure. I personally dont want to restrict myself in a time of some of the most delicious foods the year has to offer. For me, I especially look forward to the sugary deserts and chocolate. HOLLER!
I think the holidays are a time to really listen to your body and get great workouts in.
I did my fair share of eating the "bad" stuff but I didnt push it. I know that if I eat too much sugar I dont sleep well and I get a tummy ache. At this point in my life I would much rather get a good nights sleep than eat as much as I can handle. It just feels so mean to stuff myself full off all the Christmas junk I see just because its there. As long as I am concious of what I am eating and feeling love for myself as I do it, I give myself the green light.
I was not always able to do this so naturally. Again, I give alot of the credit to giving birth to my son and falling in love with what my body was able to do. There was a time when I was incredibly mean to myself without realizing I had control of what I was doing. I would feel so out of control almost like the food was the RING and I was Frodo. It seemed to have magical powers over me and I would find myself feeling stuffed, disgusted, mad at myself and depressed during the holidays.
I suggest sending yourself love, doing mirror work (telling yourself you love yourself just like the Saturday night live skit) and slowing down.
It definately puts it into perspective now that Christmas has become more about my son and my family rather than what the Christmas buffet is serving.
Merry Christmas! Cant wait for New Years.........wahoo!

Its 5:22am, my alarm did not go off and my baby woke up early...lord help me

This morning was a fun one. It actually all turned out great, so let me start there. For some reason my 5am alarm did not go off. I did wake up at 5:22am and jumped out of bed. I wanted my workout! Right as I got Chalene going on the tv, I hear Dutch whining on the monitor. All you moms out there will understand (I think) my next decision. I could have probably left Dutch in his crib. It was about an hour or so before he normally wakes up. He was not crying, just a few moans. The thing is, I knew he was awake. I knew I wanted to see his sweet face, I knew I would regret it because he would be all up on me during my workout. I had made my choice. I went upstairs and got him out of his crib. He was so happy to see me. Every day when I get him up I just gush over him. I am in love with him. So we go downstairs and mommy is going to do her workout. yay!

Dutch was not having it. He is growing more teeth this week so he is a bit cranky to begin with. I started my workout and he thought my weights were so cool, he kept trying to climb up my body to get them. I was doing lunges and trying to balance and he was trying to climb me like a mountain. At one point the weight tapped him in the head and he started crying (he was totally faking, yes, 11 month olds can fake it.)

I felt myself getting very frusterated and almost mad. Luckily I had a conversation with myself in my mind. (that is totally logical) This all happened within a few minutes and I am quite proud of myself. I told myself that yes, this workout is very important and I can do it. It will take some more effort to distract Dutch but it can be done. I dont want to get upset with him, he just wants my attention and wants to play. He will be FINE if I move around him and let him get a little mad. SO........I picked him up and put him in his high chair with one of his favorite crackers that takes forever to eat. It totally worked. My workout was stalled by a few mins, it was not ideal, but you know what? I am so proud of myself that I didnt freak out. I got my great workout in. Dutch ended up being fine with it and after I was done, I felt so good. Not only because I finished my workout but because I did not get mad at Dutch, I did not quit because I kept being interupted and because I still enjoyed myself. After we were done, we went to Starbucks and Dutch had a great time.

I have learned that it really does help to take a step back and evaluate things if they start to feel overwhelming. I used to wonder if I needed to jump back on the prosac anytime I got frusterated or in a bad mood and I would beat myself up. I much prefer positive self talk, slowing down and loving myself and anything that is going on.

GREAT MORNING! Oh and only one coffee, no dark chocolate so far........feeling good.

Chalene Extreme

I started chalene extreme (another beachbody workout) last week and I must say, I LOVE IT! I was a little worried because I had only done P90X and I figured nothing could compare. Surprisingly, I love Chalene and her workout. Even after a week, I love the way I feel after lifting weights. The dvd's are on average 35 mins which is perfect. You really can get a great workout in if you work hard enough in a short amount of time. There is a different dvd/workout five days a week with two rest days. Three videos are weights and two are more cardio focused. I love dvds at home because it saves so much time. I am a working mom which means I have to be at work at 8am, I get home at 4:45pm and that time is reserved for my family. I have made the decision to get up Monday-Friday at 5am to get my workouts in. I was inspired by the Biggest Loser (one of the best tv shows ever) to just decide I am going to wake up early and have that be MY time to workout. I actually love it because I am committing time to myself and not taking away any time that I could be spending with my son. The house is quiet, its just me and my dvd. Its hard as a mom because for some reason guilt can show up even when it doesnt belong. I do get guilty feelings that I am not doing enough for my family even when I am doing a great job. I conciously make an effort to tell the guilt to take a hike because it does not serve me. There is nothing wrong with giving time to myself when I need it. Still easier said than done but when I do it, IT FEELS GREAT. What I am trying to say is Chalene Extreme is working for me right now. I partner it with hot yoga which I do once or twice a week. Hot yoga is a whole nother topic because it is one of my favorite things on this earth.

So here I am starting this awesome workout, eating healthy, doing my do... but in the back of my mind (and ass) there is a few things slowing my progress, I think. I need to cut down on my coffee intake and my dark chocolate intake. I know I would see better results if I did so. I think sometimes I struggle with what I want. Do I really want to see better results or would I rather have my coffee and my dark chocolate? These two things seem to be almost an after meal friend only they might be a not as nice as I think friend. The kind of friend who tells you to cut all your hair off knowing that you will look like a man with short hair but she will look better standing next to you. (get rid of these friends if you have them.) I think for now I want to see what would happen if I cut back on those two things. I dont like being addicted to anything so its time to let go a little. I think food among many things is like a gateway to our subconcious. What am I trying to avoid by having a coffee every day after lunch? Why does it sound crazy to me to think of waking up and not grabbing coffee first thing? I want to see what happens and where my thoughts go when I let go of my addictions a bit this week. My one rule is that I commit to being nice to myself and respecting all of my efforts. I am not going to beat myself up for anything I do but just make decisions and stick with them. If I need to reevaluate my decisions so be it. So here I go. Let me be clear to myself, I am not going to have any dark chocolate this week and.........am I really saying no coffee??? er.......how about only one coffee beverage a day. yes, sometimes I was having two or three. yikes. Okay only one. Maybe next week none but for now, only one. I will report back of corse.

PPD and the healthy mom

I have decided to start blogging to help spread the healthy word, especially to my fellow moms. My son is 11 months and I have decided to make healthy living a lifestyle for myself and my family after experiencing PPD for about 6 months after Dutch was born. (I could probably be less enableing and stop buying my husband frozen pizzas every now and then but hey-one day at a time.) I kind of freaked out after my son was born. Not like Brooke Shields wanting to throw her baby out the window or whatever happened with her. I think I just freaked about the unknown and letting go of all my control. Before getting pregnant I was pretty much obsessed with working out and what I ate. I did weight watchers probably three different times. I did the low carb thing, I did low fat, I did things to be skinny and that always left me feeling..... HUNGRY. When I found out I was pregnant, it started OPERATION BE KIND TO YOUR BODY. I was not only feeding my own body, but feeding my little baby. I decided I would truly listen to what my body wanted, exercise when it felt good and just relax and let go a little bit. I learned so much during my pregnancy by following that basic principal. I probably did have a few moments where I "felt fat" (hello, I was, I was carrying another person-you are supposed to get a huge belly and gain weight, duh!) but for the majority of the time, I really learned to appreciate myself. I was growing a human! HELLO! Give a sister some RESPEK! I honestly do think something changed in me after I carried my son. I had developed a new sense of pride in myself and my body. That appreciation changed everything. Even after I gave birth to my son, I had to continue to take it easy and deal with the fact that I was now a mom. That was a big shock to me and I was scared. I wanted to be a good mom, I wanted to be able to jump back into my life full speed ahead and was freaking out that I couldnt. I wasnt prego anymore, I was feeling like I should be cleaning, working out, cooking, breastfeeding, fitting into my old clothes, you name it. I was overwhelmed.

BREATHE..........

Once again, another life lesson to slow down.

Thank goodness I developed PPD. Yes, I said, thank goodness. So I would cry and cry and cry and my husband finally said-Case-something is not right. I ended up realizing I had PPD and talking to my doctor. She put me on prosac which honestly, really helped me. That was a tough thing for me to accept because I am all about natural, yoga, healthy, clean......NOT PROSAC! NOT ME! But you know what, once again I had to think about someone else. My son needed me to be able to get my shit together. I did the prosac. Meanwhile I maintained a very healthy lifestyle. I eventually started doing P90X. (LOVE LOVE LOVE Beachbody, I dont sell it but if you want to buy it, you can contact Taryn Perry- at choose2befit.com) I actually did two rounds of P90X and after having a baby I never felt stronger in my life. I ate and continue to eat very natual foods. I eat clean, tons of fruits and vegetables and limit sugar, no dairy and no gluten. I heard about Juice Plus on a pregnancy podcast and started taking JP shakes and supplements. They are basically veggies and fruits in a capsule and in shake form so you are for sure getting your daily serving. I think I actually might start selling this product because I really do love and believe in it 110%. I know it had alot to do with my quick recovery from PPD and getting off the prosac after 6 months. (SO PROUD OF MYSELF) After 4 months I had lost about 55 lbs. (I gained alot while pregnant, the baby needed carbs :)

I am sharing this information now because I really want to be there for anyone who needs a fellow mom to be their support system. Maybe reading this will inspire you, or you will want to reach out to me for a workout partner or just read my struggles and experiences for a good laugh. I have really found that helping others live their healthiest life is what drives me, even if that means being completely honest which can be scary. I LOVE to help others achieve things they didnt think possible. This not only inspires me, but it helps me to realize I need to keep setting goals for myself as well. I am not going to lie, I am kind of nervous about putting myself out there for the world to see but I figure, what the hell-life is too short to be afraid. This is part of my latest mission which is to embrace who I am and just go for it, no matter what anyone else may think. So join me fellow moms, future moms or anyone who finds this interesting. If I get the guts to actually put this link of my facebook page, lets see what happens. :) Thanks for reading this and stand by to stand by for my next post. ps. my final tid bit before I go.......muscle burns fat....LIFT WEIGHTS LADIES! You wont regret it!