It has been one of the those parenting weeks that has brought me back to the newborn stage. I have felt scared, insecure and worried about my baby. At the end of this week it is safe to say my baby is fine, I am the one going nuts.
No one ever told me about separation anxiety. If they did, I did not listen. I heard of the terrible two's and the newborn stage but not the 15 months old and all of a sudden I throw tantrums, go on hunger strikes and cry all the time stage. Here is the deal, ever since Dutch started daycare he has in a nut shell, cried whenever he is around me. He wants me to hold him all the time. Sometimes he wont even stop crying when I am holding him. I have noticed at times I can brave the storm. I can laugh and keep on going and let it all be, even with screaming baby. Other times, I hit my breaking point. I feel angry, trapped and just plain done. This only lasts for a minute or two but it can happen. I even started crying while Dutch was crying which confused both of us. He stopped for a second and was like, hey- I am crying, not you. It actually kind of made me laugh.
I have been praying alot this week trying to get God to work with me.
My prayers go like this:
God-please help Dutch to realize he is safe and loved and I will always be here for him
or
God-seriously? what is the deal, can you work with me here?!
or
God-I cant take this anymore! Cant you just let Dutch see you and do a dance and maybe light up or something so he will be distracted?
I kind of wish I was joking but I am not because that is honestly how it has been going.
I did hit my ultimate wall of stress and I think that has been a good thing. Ever since Friday when I totally lost it, things have almost clicked into perspective. I decided TODAY that things were going to be different. I was going to have a positive happy attitude no matter what Dutch decides to do. I will work on ignoring his cried to help him understand things are okay even if I am not holding him. I have loved getting out and taking breaks which has been huge. Teaching cycling, walking Vader or just going upstairs for a few minutes have made such a difference. Chad has been so great and having all of the crazy of this week has allowed me to see what a great partner he is. He has said the right things and been there when I needed him. When MAMA is not happy, PAPA knows he better be there. Moms-you feel me, right?!
I know the tough times always make the good times shine that much brighter. As a mom, it can be very hard to remember that fact when you hear your baby upset- even if he is just being a diva.
I know when Dutch is older I will wish for this time when he wanted no one other than me. I try to picture that when I am in deep.
As of right now he has been asleep for almost three hours. I really appreciate that, God. :)
It's great that Chad has been so supportive of this. Separation anxiety can be hard to deal with, even in the mild cases, and it sounds like Dutch is having a fairly extreme one. I hope he works through this soon!
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