I have felt myself dipping into the land of the oh so judgemental in the last two weeks and I dont like it. I know it all started because I got onto a scale. Why did I do it? I dont know....peer pressure I guess. Anyways it happened. Here I was, minding my own buisness, loving myself, feeling amazing in my own body.......then I got on a scale and the number seemed to scream at me, "YOU HEFFER!" I instantly stepped off the thing and felt like a different person. Where did that fun loving, I feel so good, chick go? I need her back! All of a sudden the tiny piece of me that feels insecure came out to play. Lets give her a name, shall we? How about CRASEY. I like it. Okay, so CRASEY decided she was fat because of some stupid number.
How much sense does that make? REALLY!? Why do women want to "weigh" less? To feel beautiful and healthy. Okay, I got it. So tell me how I was feeling beautiful and healthy and then all of a sudden, it changed. hmmm. Although I can rationalize this in my mind, the week just kept filling up with insecurities. I started to look at all of the women I was with and all of a sudden I was comparing myself to them. Wow, I am the biggest one in this room. Comparing, weighing, television, plastic surgery, to me it all adds to the pressure that I felt. Luckily I mentioned something to my husband and told him a little bit about what I was feeling. He looked at me and said, "Casey, you are an amazon goddess and I love your body." HE SAID THOSE WORDS. HE CALLED ME AMAZON! I laughed so hard and that little sentence just led me right back to feeling good again. I know that nothing matters other than what is in my heart and I love myself. Its confusing to be a 33 year old woman and not want to lose weight. I have wanted to lose weight my entire adult life until last year. I am still adjusting to the self love and I need to accept that little slips are just reminders that its all good and that I have grown so much as a person. I encourage all of you women out there, of all shapes and sizes to look in the mirror and say I love you. Not kidding. DO IT because you really deserve it. Its okay not to be a size 2, its okay to take care of your body, to eat healthy and exercise and be okay with whatever size that is. This blog post is a reminder to myself and I am going to find a mirror now :).
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